lovemyday

Dear all,

One more chapter has come to an end. I need to learn more that has been turned certain, My last post may be, could be bit confusing, but it does resembles how my mind is functioning. It means i am about to make changes in my thinking patterns and actions.
Anyways good news i heard yesterday: Zimbabwe is heading towards a new mixed govt. Good for the people out there. The figure of cholera is drastic, quick is also slow.
May god help them all. Also the worm storm in liberia is also a cool news.

One more news that pulled my attension was: new constitution of bolivia. May whatever anyone say, their president is a hero. Evo morales is an hero to the new, young world. How can one ignore- no country can grow better intill it includes it’s own blood. It’s own man have more freedom at their homeland.

Like always, santa doctors a bit late for zimbabwe, may be an air patrol has seized his sledge before he could reach africa. I think we need to have a new international aviation policy, else flying sledges have to declared immune to national aviation boundries. Second solution would be for the dragons to give him anti radar protection. Do you think, a dragon skin absords signals or reflects them. i don’t know.

But under every condition, 60 thousand sick from colera! its a shame. Its a shame for anybody who cares for his own children. People getting sick only because the place could not be cleaned & people dying because of it. God’s Sake!

Do you think! witches broom will be a better option. You know they are small, can not be detected on radar, will reach there without getting shot, and IT IS A BROOM! A MAGIC BROOM. Better!! if you have to clean up a whole country. Does anybody has a card to anyone of them. Its a good option!!

…With Regards,
Apurva

Forget it. I don’t think so. But i do have to all the time. Well that is the feeling i suffer from. Anybody from transectional analysis section if reads this. Please do tell me.
More and more of myself i find trying to defeat a parent inside me which is against logis of a adult.

I did had a good time last week. It started with me attending the breakdowns. Well it was great. It went or right at the office all the time. I kept on getting on work at the office. Repairing more and more of machines. I am growing faster in speed and logic. I can now use a spanner better and faster and effectively. Correct to tell you. I am finding tightening screws a lot better then tightening up the people.

A machine has always been a better support as it does not go in the complex logic of undone last experiences and half facts.

Tell you what, I had learned this a bit back from one of my HODs. The thing that makes us different from others is differencial thinking. Well it is a good word. I liked it then. I did not think much about it but liked it. Actually i do understand the intensity with which he had said it. Tell you more, he is correct.

What i am more concered about is- the word of the another one- it was said then than the world is getting smaller, that is flat, i am still trying to understand what he meant, but i do remember him saying that very soon it will not be corporation but will be individuals who will have a go on the things, he is a senior person, i mean it is diffucult to understand what he said. they think too fast, faster then me, but i am trying, and yes sorry for the storm yesterday. I hope things get better in your area asap. have a great day. See you all.

….Apurva

Hi,

I did had a good mood of writing today, if you wish to read it do visit
http://aday.rediffiland.com/blogs/2009/01/27/1-day-after-Republic-1.html
(The article is about India)

Its a post of being Indian. Yesterday was our republic day. The day we declared us not only independent but responsible for the land and people. I think we all have missed one thing Land and people have been seperated from nature. Who are we, I know whatever i write, there will always be a way of achieving a goal against it. Yes that is what is called as life. Everything is possible.

This week my day was a better one at the office, i had work, i had physical work, i was allowed to be on ground for all the time. If you have gone through my last post, you know i am changing now, I had dreamt of huge machines, i am with them. But why i do not have peace. I still do not understand.

I did once again went through ” i have seen the promised land”. A new feeling has arose-something is missing.
I read a book - In it shaman’s of amazon said to auther(its a non fiction book) that you have dreamt the wrong world. Change your dream. Both of these keep on shocking my head.

I mean my words, I have lost even the last peace that i had. If i am not there with the machines. I am in pain. If i am not cleaning a pump, i am in pain.

I plan to have a meeting with santa and suko, Ajenda will be- how can we coexist with land. He may say- i know only the kids, but now he is a team leader. That means, children in amazon, bolivia, chille, kenya, are also a part of his portfolio. We need that answer. I don’t think a boy living in montains and loving rock climbing needs a barbie.

I am starting to think, but i need to think in correct direction.

Apurva

Well change is in the air. The times are getting tougher for for everybody. I too am starting to feel the heat. You know being a small technician and trying to understand the real thing around is a difficult. It is just like looking at moon with eyes and with a telescope. I though know and read and write about the financial conditions, now understand that what i feel and have understood is like: looking at moon with naked eyes. Need of a telescope has being felt.

I just had a chance to listen to “a big guy around”, yesterday, mixing it up with the data i already have- this is the conclusion i drew:

the world is bigger then i have known.
What am i doing for this world till now is very small.
There are men who do things which i don’t even know of.
There are things in this world which happen/ are done- and i don’t even have slightest idea of them.
I mean why anyways are some guys paid a 100 times more money then me. I mean i don’t feel my income is less, but there is something very importent role that these guys play in this world and i am not doing it. I need to do them.

Anyways: highlights of the time.
I got to see a beautiful hydraulic block assembled it was having some really beautiful flow control valves and pressure relief valves fitted: these things are precious. Also it had a small, only 1 cm long- check valve it was about 7mm in diameter. Salute to those who make such valve.

Day before yesterday, somebody parked a JCB machine in the parking lot,i went there to feel it ” it was awsome”, ” it was beautiful”. Yesterday, it was not there. I felt lonely.

I am starting to loose too many things now a days, its a good thing, a bood said, now i am learning, it means i am alive. Children are a good thing.

I just went through a page i had written way back it titled” suko teaches Adolf to paint”
It raised a nice smile on my face.

I got a challenge from a collegue” reduce your tummy flat -time limit. I have still not responded.

During visit yesterday, my head of services caught an eye to a spreader, it was looking good from outside, but was not clean from inside, he was not happy with me, coz may be he thinks i am the clean man.
But it was a boost to my clean up mission. Too many seniors object to my mission to clean up all the equipments and there accessable parts. I try to convince them it will help reduce maintainence and break down repair time, they consider it over work and unnecessary. I do atleast know that the work i do is importent.

That is it for today, i want to write more and more, but i can go on.

Apurva

It is really hard to train a technician, take my word, I tried yesterday, i tried- they slept- then they went of to work and finally i lost my mind so much- i annoyed my boss, by doing exactly what he had asked me to do in a manner that he had to do it again.

I was training my technicians for Risk accessment at sight. Actually hari was also there and i found he knew about the topic more then me, off course he is more mature then me, no doubt- but what in the world does maturity had to do with having correct sequence!! It has i could feel that yesterday, when i was speaking, they were sleeping, when he was speaking they were listening. And when everything was over i was sleepy.

I had to remain on ground yesterday, i did went with him to attend a minor breakdown. But that was it, i had to stay on ground…why??? I tried to train some guys regarding safety and made everyone sleepy. It is wierd. But it was what happened. It happened correct. But it happened.

There are always good times and bad times. day before yesterday “i was on the top of the world, one RTG PM, one Kalmar Repair, one DG repair, one elevator repair. One great lacture, one great trial a new way of PM tried, safer, better, and faster.

Yesterday!!! The planning squad was the vilion. Will somebody explain to me why did they had to take the same equipment which we wanted to do maintainence. I was angry on them till 0400hrs. But then the moment we had it back, the electrical team did a power shutdown for DG trial. Huh!

Yesterday night was torture for me. I realized my limitations. I realized that i still have to learn more from everybody.
Only good news to hit the stand was- the ceasefire in gaza strip. Heard on BBC both sides decided to pull back. Its good, it was actually importent for me, coz - today when i looked back on my day, i was a little sad and angry, but still i had one thing to thank the god for- the cease fire.

Life is wierd. frankly telling you, i am starting to feel more wierd. Mumbai marathon was finished just fine( i was not there). I love running. I decided to practive regularly.
I have already planned to win the pune marathon this year, i know 11 months is a long term commitment, but have made it. Aiming at a time of 2:10, i know i have still not been able to finish a marathon. But this is it that i am going to do.

Today Mr. Obama will be taking oath. I think its a big day for americans. But i think it is also an importent day, a man too serious about Linchon, is someone i am serious about, and if says he is going to follow on Linchon’s steps. Then let me tell you, we do are looking at a different world, one think i am dreaming too. Some of you may be understand what i mean & If you did not- don’t press your head, it was not meant for you.

I had to go to office today for some work, got to check my plant from a faraway location. Whole plant was there in front of my eyes. It is huge, i too have planned for the same. But just don’t understand, how.
Its a question!! i like my question.

…………………………….Apurva

Dear Zim,

I was really afraid of your fire yesterday, It was hard why would it not burn me if i came to you without a fire shield and an fire extinguisher.
I was really stubborn of me to think that you will call me for dinner with an intension of frying me and eating me up. I am sorry for the same.

You laugh really good, infact i must admit you have been a good friend to me. I really love when you talk about suko and her child friends, the news of santa getting promoted as trainer to the new “world squad of childs and smiles” is a really good news. It makes me smile with cheese when i try to imagine santa running in front with all the dragons, elephants, fairies all singing their child songs in all their languages. Mr whodo may not like it, but kids will love it. I am sure for that.

I too am trying my best to get out of my daily schedules and give some time to your work. But sometimes find myself trapped in the game of what goes on in Gaza and Sudan.

Really, children have great power, since day before yerterday i was trapped by a child i had to play with him and give up my unwinning quest of winning a batminton game against good players. And well he even did not let me exercise on the jogger. I think he was assigned to damage it parmanently, it could feel it but he did not succeed.
Though he did succeed in- making me clean up my un-cleanable room and make it look sitable. I did succeeded in loosing him afterwards, but it was of no use, i still lost all the games with my bosses friend” Who surely must have labeled me as a lazy man”. He is old enough to forget the facts of adulthood.

Anyways, I could not believe that i really wrote a good poem afterwards. And it did felt great. I had some intution thing going on in my head today, coz i went all the way across to the town to catch a bus timed at 1130 hrs which again brought me back to my colony faster then i had reached the town. Well, but my intution was right, i did met the girl. But i could not find a reason to talk with her. I am a shy person. I tried to find a reason to talk but found myseld speaking about my torn off pant. Which somehow got torn off while i tried to move to the third seat in the row.

I did ask her- if i could help her taking her bagage, but she sincerely denied. It was hard on heart but i did took it, i think doing situps helps you to let go of pain. Anyway now i don’t think i will ask her again(Should I ??). I will back to my office tomorrow, loving the same machines, though i am starting to feel a call from inside when find myself passing of from that garden again-n-again and trying to find a reason to break my leg or something in such a way that i can visit the hospital but still stay out of trouble from office. My wont tolarate any accidents at office and it is very difficult to find a place outside to break a leg, that to in such a fashion that i am not detained from going to site while i am hurt.

Its difficult to love a nurse if you are an field engineer already in love with your machines..
Anyways thankyou for the dinner yesterday. And Say my thanks to suko for accepting the offer. The gear for santa, i think must be in progress, i know it is very difficult with the melting glaciers at noth pole but i know we will manage somehow.

With love and smiles,
Apurva

26 makes up one marthon. 26 miles that is. Mind- the limit is in microns. Its 1512 exact match with the number. I will be walking out within minutes for a 120 minute trial.

I love my freedom to run, freedom to word on machines. I have broken the familiar borders. Its makes me alone. It has left me me out of help. I have lived a long time denying the fact. Precious time wasted. I am alone. Mentally, physically emotionally also socially.

Yesterday was a day of heavy cold. I tried to work my way through. I did it but with failures. I had to accept the silence after the failure. I kept body under restrain but brain gave away to faults. I could just not accept the regular data provided by my parents & society. Actually i have shunted it from getting processed directly. It has created a new challenge, the basic daily decisions, acts are also questioned. Since i lack the decipline, i go down the drain.

Things did not look bright to me yesterday night. It was freezing when i went up there at o400 hrs to operate the crane. I could start feeling that i have grown weaker.
And it was hurting- BADLY.

Yesterday my adult got weaker due to accessive cold and found myself helpless, parent nearly shunted, child free to decide as adult weakened and i gave away to a failure in my actions and behaviors.

The only solution that i decided on was to increase the decipline level in my daily life.
Keeping my room clean, keeping my daily schedule regularized, now immediate issue is who can i do it. I will tell you! i have tried to do it since a long time, but have always failed miserably, frankly the failures were the reason why i had to shunt my parent from functioning directly(actually i am still trying). But it feels like i need to learn the way, the decipline but still i am not giving way to the tradition ways taught to us everywhere. I look forward to new ways. Chienese and Japanese concepts have always been a great asset for nature. Indian ways where did they got lost i don’t know. But that is what i am looking way forward for.

I tried basic kung fu for some time, to decipline my body, but unfortunately the site i was reffering has reorganized itself, erasing the pages related with training.
Answers awaited….

….Apurva

Hi,

Read about Darfur yesterday. After finishing yesterday’s post, still had some time on my clock for web. I cannot call it tragic. I can not say i hate it. It is a truth that exists across an ocean away from me.

Blame is not one thing that can end, what happened there happened way back in Uganda in 94, Keeps on happening in Latin America, neighbourhood african nations even now.
Its not blame that i am thinking about.

I worked yesterday 2100 to 0800 contineuously. 53 meters above sea, not in a room but out in open, about 7 deg celcius. Seprated from sea below only with metal grids on which i was standing, from winds by my winterwear. I worked whole night greased my good friend as good as i could. It was a too hard on my companion. But it was safe.

I live in a world where people don’t even know of any such things, care! is a blind man’s expectation. You tell them about the 6 digit inflation rate in zimbabwae, i receive a look as if i don’t know what exactly does inflation rate means. I belonged to a world, where the worst thing a person knows is- kashmir, actually i even doubt what they know about kashmir and did they think anything about it except for lets kill the terrorists.

Greasing such a large equipment takes a long time. But, trust me when you are touching the nice old joints, its great. It gives me the feel of a friend sitting next to me is asking do you know my diameter. I am huge! And once i am done with the work i like saying thank you to the equipment. I always expect a thank you in return. But still waiting. I always wonder- how do japenese work, i have read that there equipments always look clean as their home. No regrets thought- coz even i do mentain my equipment, but still am a bit far from achieving the japanese standerd. I dream to, but i actually have no idea of the reality, “how do they do it, man”.

It was an exhausting night yesterday. I have tried to sleep today, but failed to except for 2, 2 hour slabs. I did get to take my lunch. But, people say i am looking depressed.

I like to dream, and work, making lives of children easy, as much as i can. But whatever i am doing, I dream to do more, straight forward to help all those children in the troubled regions.

I love machines, i love mother nature. I love those children. Mr SANTA, do start making a big vessel in which all of those children in darfur so that they can do and have a days play, food, fun and joy all away from the scars of battle, blood and screams. Let them know, red is also the colour that a friend called santa wears.
……………Apurva

Hi,

It was yesterday about 2010 hrs. i has already spent last 15 mins, and still the smell of RD 45 was not leaving me. I could gaze in mirror towards a black nose painted with RD 45. I was tired, it was like i had just finished a marathon and when i returned back
“Apurva! we are out of eggs, can you get it from the mart please”

Anyways the operators had been glued with their seats, i think, it took them about 15 more minutes to get them releaved. I was still thinking about the noise from RTG 502. Just if i could go and take a look. My guys were looking at me like i was some maniac. I dictator kind of thing. Not their fault. In our 12 hr shift, we all had spent 11hrs changing the ropes of equipment and greasing it afterwards. A tough job u know. I was overexited. With machines, i always am.

We finally left off at about 2045 and i reached my quarters by 2115. Just had a wash. Had my dinner. Then i went back for my walk, it was then that i realized, i was limping. It did not mean that i was hurt, it just meant that i was exhausted. I shortened the walk to a 100 mtrs so that i can reach the mart and buy some snacks. The moment i paid the shopkeeper, i knew i am depressed.

Whole day, i was busy working, it is the high time for me, It is like i am in heaven with angels, loving every moment. But when you come back from heaven. It feels preety bad. I wanted to be there for as long as i could, but the day had ended.
And i was back home. Somethings did hurt:
As some instances i was slower then my fellows. They know how to sit while tightening the bolts( It matters, if you are working 70m sea level, sitting on a grill. I am still learning- “it takes sometime to learn”.

Several other things were flushing me ahead, death toll in The current Palestine conflict, a blast in the state of assam, man dying due to cold in northern states.

I was also missing the girl who used to work just a few blocks away at the hospital.
She is beautiful that i know, and actually she is the only girl of my age i get to see around here.(that too only once a day/week)

.It was a downturn for me yesterday, i went down the plank yesterday, preety bad, really bad. I could not manage a run today. It was the downtime. But its life, right!. But i remember the promise i made this christmas, A new santa, a new dream.

“Change the dream”- thats what the shamans say. That is what i know, that is the only truth i beleive.

Just for a note today, while i was returning back in bus, i found the girl back. She is back from a leave.

………..Apurva

Its just like gravity! I missed my bus again. I am here typing a post and will loose next bus again. I think-” I want to miss the bus”.

Went to watch a movie, i got late. Bought some other movie tickets. Went to the hall and realized ” I watched this movie last month”. God’s sake, The movie was not bad, but you know ”not like matrix” you can go and watch and it again-n-again. Ticket costed me about 70bucks that’s $2. During this time of recession, when i lost my phone too, its big money.

I still wonder, did where warren buffet got the first share to buy. I am trying to get that head, and man is that difficult. IT IS- take my word.

A good day went just out the window. Only good thing that happened- i deposited my bimonthly installments, and did deposit the electricity bill of my neighbour( which he had given to me 1 week back). Do you know what- i don’t feel to proud to act responsible. I don’t feel anything, i only feel my account drained by a couple of thousand bucks.

May what ever anybody say, but i liked the time i was waiting for christmas. I was thinking only about santa and was really charming with children. I loved it. Do you know! A child’s brain is most receptive. That’s why that say it is easy to deal with. My brain is also too much like that. I can receive anything and i mean anything.

On 1st of january, god gave me a beautiful night. I was there with my team, and hari decided to give me full freedom, my guys also gave me full freedom, that means i was alone doing the job. It was about 7-8 degree celsius, i think. And i got to do the maintainence of the spreader. and the mechanical pm of the gantry of the My cranes. plus he also let me do the TLS adjustment plus i also got to grease the spreader. Very bad that i found two damaged hydraulic oil filters. It hurts the equipments you know. Those of you who don’t understand the “ho ho ho” i used, it means, i was up whole night, jumping here and there with a bunch of spanners, rolling down on ground spreading grease with a paint brush.
AND it means when i got off the floor, i was painted black in colour. MY suit had a colouring in black. And i was smelling marvalous( It took me three baths to clean all that stuff from my face and hands). But it was cool! Imagine me in a nice black shirt, with a nice cream trousure( with some grease on it) walking in to the restaurant and trying to eat with black hands, the waiters and the guys near by me- were they amazed. They won’t understand.
The feeling of love is felt only by the one in love.
Anyways i had a nice sleep yesterday, then i decided to go for a fitness trial.
I WENT BACK JOGGING. Well it was dusk alright. But as will put it- it is the best pleasure in life( i don’t know about sex).

But it is one of the greatest pleasures that i will ever have. In the end of the run about 800 meters away from the residencial area. I did it, i went into the trance. I ran as i wanted to, fast as much as i could. As fast as was possible for me.
It is for these ten seconds that you live for, Those ten seconds, you and the world just don’t matter. You are the world, the life. You are all that exists. And when you finally stop. Its a life time that has passed. You have lived a complete life.

…………..Apurva